He began to walk toward her, but before he took two steps, a guy was walking over with a shirt that said, "Soccer moms are easy". He came bowling over, and Thomas could tell she was uninterested. She would avert her eyes and didn't seem to respond well to his advances. Thomas thought he might seize his chance. He walked over and tapped the guy on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, sir. I see you don't have a drink. Want me to get you one?" Thomas asked.
"I'm sorry about him. Would you like to go someplace else and talk?"
She nodded and grabbed the arm he extended out to her. They walked out and left all of the music and people behind. They went out to an IHOP and shared a cup of coffee and some Never-Ending Pancakes. They talked well into the morning, and when it was time to leave, she gave him her phone number. Thomas would later recall it as one of the best nights he ever had.
Author's Note
I took my storybook from the story, The Eight-Forked Serpent of Koshi. This story follows a man who kills an 8-headed snake by getting it all liquored up and cutting off its heads. I didn't want to have 8 snake-like jerks, so I just did the one and have it take him 8 drinks to collapse instead. The good guy still gets the girl, so I say it all works out.
Wow your story was fantastic! I loved every single bit of it. I would have never thought to write a story like this from the story that you read. What an absolutely fantastic job! This is probably one of the best stories I have read. I enjoyed that you kept the story short and concise, but were able to make it detailed and relatable. Great Job! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI like this story a lot. I think that we have all seen these situations happen. I like the cleverness of how you changed the story up. I thought you did a really good job of choosing certain words in the story, such as "bowling" as the bad guy approached the girl. It definitely helps sway the reader to feel a specific way toward that character. This was a great read!
ReplyDeleteChase, this is such a great story. I enjoyed how you made this story yours by omitting the 8-headed snake and added the persistent guy. That was a very inventive way to recreate the story. On a personal note, speaking as a female, we wish there were more guys like our quiet hero to get the neanderthal men away from us. Great storytelling!!
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